The following is something that I learnt from my frustrated experiences but it is very well explained by Eben Pagan (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eben_Pagan):
Advice on attraction
Pagan contends most men lack a deep understanding of women, and are thus at a loss to attract the ones they desire. As a result, men are forced to accept whoever selects them.
Pagan also believes that women are not as obsessed with the appearance of prospective mates as men are.Further, he contends that typical male courting gambits such as excessive flattery and gifting are seen by women as manipulative and insecure, and are thus ultimately unattractive. Instead, he contends that “attraction isn’t a choice” — women cannot be bribed into choosing to feel attraction. Rather, Pagan asserts that a woman will feel attraction automatically when she perceives a man to have certain characteristics such as confidence, lightheartedness, humor and independence, qualities he labels “cocky and funny” or “cocky funny.”
Thus, while a typical man might hope to appeal to a desirable woman with obsequiousness and unbridled enthusiasm, carefully hiding any reservations he might have about her, a “cocky and funny” one would actually make his reservations abundantly clear from the outset, albeit flirtatiously and with humor.
Sub-communication and tension
According to Eben Pagan unresolved tension brings us closer together and makes us more physical (hence, more emotional). The idea he is conveying is that you cannot logically convince a woman to feel attraction for you. “Attraction is not a choice,” as he famously said. Rather, it is the building of unresolved tension in the moment coupled with the resulting anticipation it generates.
